Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
