I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The power of my boobs compel you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
