I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
