She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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