You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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