just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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