dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
