There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
