when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
