you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
