i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
