why didn't you poke me back
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
