peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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