He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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