you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
