What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
