My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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