one two three fourrrrnication!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
