He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
