I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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