I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
