if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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