I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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