just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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