Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
