Have you finally orgasmed yet?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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