I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
