My nipple is on Facebook.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
