Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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