And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
