you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
