My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
