There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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