I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I smell stomach acid.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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