I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
