Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
