I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
