I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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