yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
