I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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