4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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