we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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