He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
