no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
