1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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