Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
