More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
