Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
