bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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