tequila makes me forget i have legs
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
