If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
