Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
