We won't sleep together?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
