So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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