I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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