I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
