I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
