i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
