I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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