You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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