If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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