i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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