3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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