I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
