yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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